You Know Why!

Henry

Two years ago yesterday, a Knoxville boy named Henry Granju died from a lethal dose of methadone.  I won’t go into the details but you can read all about it here.  I wanted to express my feelings on some of the comments people have made.  Henry was addicted to prescription pain medication and there has been a lot of finger pointing about who should be blamed, etc.  I don’t know enough about the laws to say who is legally responsible for his death but yes, Henry should take part of the blame for the choices he made.  But Henry was a child…apparently a very troubled child who made bad decisions.  A lot of the argument with Henry’s story is about addiction and how people should “have more self control”.  Let me just say this:  happy people don’t become addicted to drugs.  Happy people don’t need drugs because they’re already happy.  The people who become addicted to drugs are broken.  They are dealing with depression, childhood abuse, undiagnosed  bipolar disorders or a host of other problems.  

Could Henry have had more self control?  Should he have had more self control?  Maybe.  But I hope that those of you who may judge an addict never have to make a choice between living in hell and taking a pill.  Because trust me, I know which one would win.  No one wants to be a drug addict.  People are just tired of being sad and are tired of being in pain.  They are looking for a way to escape their reality because they don’t know how to deal with it.  So I’m not sure if addiction is an illness.  I think a better way to describe it is that it’s a symptom of a deeper illness.  Until you cure that deeper illness, the symptom of addiction will never go away.

My heart goes out to Henry’s family.  I simply cannot fathom losing a child, much less losing one in such a senseless way.  He was only 18 years old.  

I’m so very thankful that I was given a chance to become one of the happy people.

Hey, I just met you/and I’m so crazy/but here’s my number/…..

Put the lotion in the basket.

I promise she looked 18.

This is my collection of toenail clippings.

Don’t open that freezer.

I just love clowns.

My white, non-descript van is parked over here.

Does this rag smell funny to you?

Those are my roommate’s videos.

My mother wouldn’t let me have pets.

I’m kind of an introvert.

Conversations with Alex:

Me:  Does your classmate Hannah have trouble seeing and hearing?

Alex:  Yes.  I think she was born that way.

Me:  Does she get to go to the playground with you guys?

Alex:  Yeah…she also got to sit in Ms. Shield’s special chair yesterday.  I didn’t think that was fair.

Me:  Why?

Alex:  Because nobody else got to.

Me:  Well, sometimes when people are born without the same advantages we were born with and don’t have the same abilities as we have, we have a responsibility to help them as much as we can.  It may not seem fair, but it’s the right thing to do.  Does that make sense?

Alex:  Yeah, I guess so.

Me:  Good.  Now be sure to tell your father that you’re a Democrat.

Facebook 101

There are lots of Facebook etiquette suggestions out there but based on my personal observations and those of others (Stefanie and everyone I’ve ever talked to in my whole life), here is my list of things you should really think about avoiding.  Now, before you get mad at me and call me all kind of names, please know, that I KNOW, that I’m guilty of many of these.  I’ve added them to my list of, Things I Complain About Other People Doing That I Do As Well.  And you may even say, “JA!  Who are you to tell me what I can and cannot post when all you talk about is beer, football and the nonsensical observations that only you understand?”  Well, try to think of me as you would a dear, old, loving great-aunt who tells you that your skirt is too short and your hair looks like shit.  She means well, but she’s been drinking the Listerine again and you know how she gets when she’s on the sauce.  And she’s only telling you things that your friends are too scared to mention.

1. Stating the Obvious.

a. You love your kids/husband/wife/family/friends/dog/dog’s friends.  I think that it’s safe to assume that we all, collectively, love our people.  Let’s just go ahead and make that a Facebook given, mm-kay?

b. You think you have the best husband/wife.  YES.  WE GET IT.  They bought you something wonderful for your birthday and put the toilet seat in the right place.  I, and everyone else on Facebook, truly hope that you’ll have a long, happy life together.

c. You think you have the smartest kid in world.  I’m sorry but this is simply not true.  While I’m impressed that they can spell their name correctly and can distinguish the color turquoise from the color green, even if they understand Algebra at age two, they still crap their pants every now and then.

d. You hate Mondays.  If anyone posts that they “have a case of the Mondays” I think that legally, you’re allowed to kill them.

e. It’s snowing/hailing/raining frogs where you live.  I don’t live where you live and if I do, I know it’s raining frogs.  But I am happy to know that you care enough about me to warn me of the situation (this should be implied from now on as suggested in 1.a).

f. You hate traffic.  So does everyone else who has ever sat in an automobile.  Unless there is a support group for it, it doesn’t count as being a condition that you can complain about.

g. You hate being sick.  I don’t know of anyone besides those who suffer from Munchausen Syndrome who likes to be sick (see also:  I hate it when my kids are sick).

h. Holidays.  The exception to this would be any obscure occasion that no one would know about, but may find very important.  For instance, Buttermilk Biscuit Day.

i. Vague references to people/things who/that have pissed you off.  Please just go ahead and tell us who/what your problem is.  No one wants to play 20 Questions on Facebook.  But now that I think about it, there is that annoying game where people answer questions about you like, “Is Jane Ann a good friend?”  “Would Jane Ann bail me out of jail?”  “Is Jane Ann bitchy for posting this list?”  However, the answers to those questions should be obvious. 

2. Punctuation/Grammar.

a. All caps.  People.  PEOPLE.  Lay OFF the caps lock.  I feel like you’re yelling at me and I don’t even know what I did wrong this time.  As stated earlier, I am aware of my own rule-breaking (re:  1.b as well as 2.a).

b. Exclamation points.  The Harbrace Handbook only recommends one because one is enough.  CAPS LOCK IN COMBINATION WITH EXCLAMATION POINTS MAKES YOU SEEM LIKE AN ANGRY YORKSHIRE TERRIER ON SPEED!!!!!!!!!!!!

c. They’re/there/their.  My sensitive eyes can no longer deal.  My retina may spontaneously detach because of this.

3. Jesus.  I’ll only say this; the people on Facebook who truly follow Jesus don’t need to post about how much they truly follow Jesus.  I already know based on everything else they post about.

4. Political Rants.  I, once again, am guilty of this one.  I post something of a liberal nature and then get very irritated when people disagree with me knowing full well that 1) not only did I invite the criticism by posting it but 2) 90% of the people I’m friends with on Facebook are conservative therefore I should’ve expected it.  I’m admitting that I’m a huge part of the problem and I’m working on this as part of my self-improvement process.

5. Photos.  I’m going to host a free seminar titled “How to Take a Self-Portrait Without Looking Like You’re Taking a Self-Portrait”.  Mini-courses on “Your Lips Look Unnatural When You Do That”, “I Don’t Think That Should Be Considered a Dress It’s Probably More Like a Shirt” and “Was That Supposed to Be a Picture of Your Face or Your Boobs, Please Clarify” will also be offered.

So there.  That wasn’t too harsh, was it?  Please don’t hate me Facebook.  Even after all this, I still think you’re great and I still think you’re the smartest even on horrible Mondays while sitting in traffic.  I just won’t ever post about it. 

P.S.  Obama 2012

Tiny Town

In Oak Ridge, there’s a children’s museum where I take the girls on occasion.  They have some great local history displays (Hey kids!  Look, we made a bomb here!) as well as amazing miniature trains.  I always take pictures of the trains because I think it’s so cool, especially in the photos, how much it looks like a real town.

Woke up at 2:15 am and wrote a big long thing.  Don’t feel like posting it now but I’ll hit the highlights:

• If someone tells you they’ve changed, they have not changed.
• If someone tells you that you’ve changed, you have not changed.
• I am incapable of perfection.
• I need to paint my house.
• Somewhere, within the beauty of a sarcastic comment, life goes on.

Here are some things that I think people will find more plausible than, “I broke my ankle while exercising.”

• Running from zombies
• Trapped in a well like Baby Jessica
• Had a peg leg installed because I’ve always wanted to be a pirate
• Injured while training to be a Pokémon master
• Saved a litter of kittens from drowning
• Drunken Twister game*
• Stepped on a Lego while barefoot
• Chupacabra bite
• Lost my real shoe in a drunken mosh pit**
• My leg just quit working after hearing that Adele song for the 900^th time

*I think that’s actually happened. 

**I know that’s actually happened. 

A glimpse.

I know I’ve done this before but to give you a glimpse of what it’s like inside my head, here are the last ten things I’ve Googled:

• Shin splints
• Roundup soybeans
• Jose Canseco
• Map of Panem
• Masters 2012
• Jem and the Holograms (for some reason, I Google them a lot)
• Monitor lizard
• Boston Marathon qualifying times (hahahaha)
• Patellofemoral Pain Syndrome
• Hatfields and McCoys

It’s exhausting to be me sometimes.

Is it Primrose or Plumrose? I get confused…

Last week my maternal grandmother would have been 125 years old.  Just kidding.  It just seems like that because she was always around.  We called her “Go-Go” because apparently that’s as close to “Grandmother” as my cousin could get.  I’m pretty sure that he still has trouble saying it.  Anyway my family and I lived right behind Go-Go so while I was growing up, I spent as much time at her house as I did my own.  She was very quirky and I’m convinced that she left the salt and pepper off of the table just to aggravate my grandfather.  I would see her throw food scraps into the backyard because she never let go of the farm life mentality.  She wore the fact that she never had to take medicine like a badge of honor and refused to use a cane while walking into church.  I think it really pained her to have to get that handicapped tag.

I miss her terribly sometimes, especially when I have to eat someone else’s mashed potatoes or when I need an honest opinion.  Because while she was nice to most everyone she met, man she had opinions.  And she would frequently share those opinions with her family whether we wanted them or not.  But she was a smart lady so to pay homage to her birthday, here are ten things that I learned (but don’t always live) from my Go-Go:

• Always drink water.  Anything else is bad for you and will destroy your kidneys.
• Don’t stand too close to the microwave.  It will give you cancer and probably destroy your kidneys.
• Don’t worry about a bad haircut.  It will grow out and probably be okay for your kidneys.
• Cooking for you is the best way some people have to express their love.
• If you get a new roof, make sure it has a 30 year warranty, even if you’re 80 years old.
• It’s perfectly acceptable to make up new names for things and if other people don’t know what you’re talking about, that’s their problem.
• You should take care of your older sister no matter how crazy she is (Katherine).
• Personal responsibility.  For example, if, at age nine, you fall and skin your knee then you shouldn’t have been playing so rough now here’s a band aid and a peanut butter ball and stop crying.
• You should eat lots of vegetables but occasionally indulge in a Krystal’s every now and then.
• You really are as old as you think you are.